A YOUNG WIFE’S STRUGGLE

I flew to the UK with a vision, and my mum couldn’t stop reminding me about it. She kept saying to me: “Don’t forget your vision.” It became her favourite sentence for reminding me to come home as soon as possible.

Since I got married, nearly two years ago, I have found it really hard to see how my vision fits in with my role as a wife.

I began to ask questions:

  • Does my vision matter this time?
  • Does it have to be changed?
  • Was God joking when he gave me that vision?
  • Why everything seems possible and easier when I was single?

In frustration, I ran away doing other things (I thought) I would enjoy doing. I ended up getting really tired and burning up. 

I found myself even further away from my vision. I didn’t bother to ask anymore. I was tired of seeking and waiting.

Oh, I hate waiting. I thought I was done with it. 

For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, declares the LORD. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.

Isaiah 55:8-9

I have thought that God has left me in limbo. I was enjoying Andrew’s company yet felt lonely. I had no one to talk to about this. I have tried to discuss this with Andrew, but just found myself putting the blame on him and hurting him. When it happened I felt so bad and failing as a wife. 

GOING BEHIND THE VEIL

Delight yourself in the Lordand he will give you the desires of your heart. Commit your way to the Lord; trust in him, and he will act. 

Psalm 37:4-5

Together with Andrew, I prayed and fasted. I trained to quiet my soul and rebuild my devotion time. Delighting myself in the Lord, studying his word, and asking some friends to pray for me.  Through this all, God gave me understanding. God’s authority structure for life should be the answer. His design is the key to all my confusion. 

  • Submit to God’s will
  • Submit to God-given leadership of Andrew

Submit to God

I am willing to submit to God’s will and purposes. I am seeking his will above my own. I am trusting him. I am willing to lay down all my dreams. I am giving all myself -my body, my abilities, my talents, my intelligence, my health, my time, my money, my resources completely to the Lord. I am holding my dream loosely in my hand and I am following His lead.   

Submit to Husband

I am honouring Andrew’s God-given-leadership for our family. I am encouraging, supporting and helping Andrew, and being cooperative to his leadership as long as it doesn’t violate Biblical principles. I am willing to lay down my dream to follow his God-given-calling.

VISION REDISCOVERED

I believe that God wasn’t joking when He gave me the vision. That vision has brought me here to UK, where I met Andrew and got married to him.

I believe that The Lord does care and take that vision seriously. Yet, He has something bigger for me to commit for this season:  Learning and growing to be a biblical wife for Andrew.

  • Does my vision matter this time? I give it back to God’s hand and focus on what He wants me to do this season.
  • Does it have to be changed? I believe not, God is faithful and trustworthy. I’m graciously waiting for His timing to see the vision become a reality. It’s not about me, but Him.
  • Was God joking when he gave me that vision? I love His sense of humour 🙂
  • Why everything seems possible and easier when I was single? Two is better than one. When I was single, I prayed for a godly man to be my life and ministry partner. He answered my prayer!
Categories: FaithFillia's Blog

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